Wednesday, February 26, 2014

Lost: Patience

Lost: Patience
If Found: Please return to the frazzled crazy woman at the end of this blog. 

I know that being a SAHM is not walk in the park, but there are some days that I really wish with all my might that I could give that a whirl. Don't get me wrong, I really enjoy my job(s), but sometimes it just gets the better of me. I am constantly wishing I could do more, be better... and it's exhausting.

I have to be at work super early and my friends let me tell you, I am NOT a morning person. AT ALL. Having to wake up to the alarm at that God-forsaken time Monday - Friday is a chore in and of itself, forget about having to be ready to be somewhere on top of that. Dump 8  hours of work on top of that, and I'm already day-dreaming about actually dreaming before I'm even half-way through my day. When I come home I have to squeeze in 45 minutes of exercise for my own sanity, and then I have to put on my wife/mommy hat. 

The major problem with this, is that I'm too exhausted to enjoy my children while wearing said hat. 

Last week Jay was on vacation, so that was a dream come true. He is most definitely the chef of the house, so he had my lunch ready for me every day when I came home (Who's better than him?) and either he cooked dinner every night, or we partnered up and cooked together. All four of the boys have a job to do, so set-up and clean-up went smoothly. It was so nice to be able to enjoy family dinners and then actually have time to hang out with the kids when it was all cleaned up. 

Sadly, this week we are back to reality. The boys are back at their moms, and Jay is back at work. We are back to 2 hours of homework a night, plus reading. Night time showers and packing lunches. Now it's just me, R & M for dinner and it's just too quiet. R helps out, but by the time I'm done cleaning up left overs and doing dishes, I just don't have the time to spend with them that I would like. 

I know people say to just leave the messes because your kids are only small for so long, but what do you do when you are a type A personality that simply just can't do that?

 ...also an undeniable nervous twitch?

It's a compulsion, I know - but I just can't stand the papers on the table, the dishes in the sink, the crumbs and toys all over the floor... If I try to leave the chores behind in an effort to spend more time with my loves, it literally keeps me up at night! I want to be able to enjoy the little time I have with my kiddos after working all day without feeling like I'm being a bad wife because the house in unkempt. Not to mention the fact that it would be nice to have 5 minutes for myself to watch some TV or read a book. GASP! A book? Do I even remember how to read? How do I find balance? 

this is what I should look like all the time....

but I'm pretty sure 95% of the time I look like this...

Or maybe more like this!

How do I find time for myself when my darling 2 year old won't sleep? She boycotts going to sleep, and lately is having trouble staying asleep. Where did we go wrong? She was doing great going down on her own for months. No fuss and no tears, sleeping through the night like a champ, and now all of the sudden bed time involves more negotiations than international peace summit! WTF? Aren't babies supposed to sleep poorly as infants and get better with age? What is with this regression here? I really don't know how much more of this broken sleep I can take! I. am. dying. here! 

but how can I stay mad at this face???

Between the lack of sleep, stress from work, and stress from life in general, I'm just really not feeling like myself lately. Little things are setting me off that never did before. I have lost my patience and I need to get it back, STAT! Apparently healthy eating and exercise alone are not enough to ward off the stress. 

Someone please tell me I'm not alone! How do you find balance between work and home responsibilities and keep your stress level down?

This mama is tired and feeling pretty crappy :(

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