I WILL Be There...

I haven't been feeling that great lately. I have had to literally drag myself out to do my exercising almost every day last week. On my run last Friday, I was really having a hard time. I found myself wondering, "why am doing this???" So I started thinking about it... Why am I doing this?

I am doing this because I WILL be there when my daughter graduates from college.
I WILL be there when she gets married.
I WILL be there when she has her babies.
I WILL love those grandchildren up with all my might.
I WILL be as healthy as possible.
I WILL do everything in my power to be here for all 5 of my children for as long as possible.

Even though I know my mom couldn't help getting sick, I just wish she would've taken better care of herself & I don't want my kids to say the same thing about me.

So, there I was running down the street with tears streaming down my face. I must've been some sight to see! It kept me going though. I pushed through. I finished it up.

When I went out yesterday, I found I didn't have to push as hard. The thought of living a long, healthy life for my beautiful babies keeps me going.

I'm not sure how long it will take me to complete a full 5K, but I will get it done. I'm more motivated now then I ever have been before.

Thank goodness now the sun is finally shining, it's making it A LOT easier to get my ass outside :)

Happy running people!!!

Friday's Letters

Dear Boston - My heart goes out to you as you try to move on from Monday's tragic events at the marathon. Like most of the nation, I am waiting with baited breath for the authorities to capture the second suspect so the lock down can be lifted and you can attempt to ease back into life as usual. Although I know as New Yorker who's lived through an attack on her city, life will never be the same for you. I am praying for all those in Boston right now, but I pray especially hard for all the law enforcement
personnel who are risking their lives to apprehend this madman as we speak. God bless you Boston.

Dear West - I am also praying for you, that you may find the strength to get through the aftermath of that horrible blast. I'm praying for you to come together as a community and help each other through. God bless you as well.

Dear Work - I hate you this week. You suck. That is all.

Dear Friday - Thank God for you.

Dear Hibachi - I'm coming for ya! I can't wait to spend time with good friends tonight, good friends who I don't get to see often enough :) It's definitely going to be a good night!

Happy Friday everyone! Please pray for our fellow man. I think we could all use a little love and peace right now.

I Can't Believe

Today this will be short and sweet, and probably a little depressing... but it's just how I'm feeling right now.

I Can't Believe... That I am raising my children in a world so full of hate and violence. I can't believe that I have been alive to witness so many horrid terrorist attacks here on American soil.

In the aftermath of the original World Trade Center bombing, I sat with my mom and my sister waiting for my dad to call and tell us he was okay. This was before every day Joe's had cell phones, and he never thought to use a pay phone. It was the longest day of our lives until he came home that night.

In 1995, the nation was horrified again as we heard the news of the Oklahoma City bombing. So many lives lost, so many children.

Six years later I sat frozen in front of my television and watched as the Twin Towers fell to the ground, taking my beautiful cousin Christy A. Addamo with them. She was just 28 years old, in the prime of her life. She'll never know the joys of marriage or motherhood... so many places she'll never travel, experiences she'll never have. The sheer volume of lives lost, and still being lost to this day as a direct result. It is unfathomable.

2013. Boston Marathon. Here we are again, transfixed to our televisions, watching the constant coverage of this latest horror. More lives lost, countless individuals injured... It is truly heartbreaking to see, and it seems that we keep seeing it over and over again. It is tragic for all involved, but when I see pictures of little Martin Richard in his communion suit, my heart just aches for him and his family. My little boy will receive his first communion in 3 short weeks. It is just gut wrenching to think that this could happen to any of us, at any time it seems. That could have been my family on that finish line, or yours...

When will it end? When will the light outshine the darkness?

That's it. The only thing I can't believe this week. I can't believe that my children will grow up in this world that seems to be full of so much hate, and that there will be nothing I can do to protect them.  I can teach them to love above all else, to be generous, kind and peaceful, but really... in the end, there is nothing I can do to truly keep them safe - and that scares me to death.

Friday's Letters

Dear M - Why won't you sleep??? Daddy and I are EXHAUSTED!!!! It's one thing if you're in pain, I get that. Mommy doesn't ever want you to be in pain - but the wanting to hang out and "chat" in the middle of the night has got. to. stop. My eyes are literally closing as I type this.



Doesn't she look like an angel when she's sleeping???



Dear Bad Guys - Stop doing your thing on Saturday nights.

It really BITES THE BIG ONE that Jay seems to always be working late on Saturday nights.

When he doesn't get home until 6 am, it really screws up our only family day.

I am NOT a fan.

Kindly commit your crimes at another time.

Please and thank you.

Dear Legs - Please don't fail me now. I feel like I can really do this C25K thing, so please stop hurting me! I know my body is old, tired and busted; but this chick is ready to run!!! Please, please, please just give me a break! Or not. You know what I mean!!!

Dear Mom - I miss you, A LOT. Planning R's First Holy Communion has really made me very emotional about it. I guess it's just because this is another first for us that you are missing.

Maybe it's because my baby boy is growing up and this just reminds me that you are not here to see it.

It also scares me. It makes me wonder how many firsts I will be able to share with them myself, and how many I may miss...

I love you, I miss you, and I just wish I could squeeze you right now. That's all.



Me and my momma - 1979



Just so I'm not a complete Debbie Downer here...

Dear Kiki La Rue - I think we need KLR anonymous meetings, and I will be the first client.

I am seriously ADDICTED!!!

I can't. stop. shopping! When my hubby throws me out, I'm coming to live with you Becka! 

Seriously, I cannot wait for the temps to warm up here so I can finally wear my new dresses. They are gorg, and make me feel so sexy! Amazeballs merchandise, and customer service to match. LOVE. IT. Please don't ever stop what you are doing!!!

Dear Rain - GO AWAY!!!! It's Friday, and the rest of this weekend is supposed to be beautiful... so take a hike so I can enjoy the sunshine with my family (and maybe wear one of my new KLR dresses)!



20 in 40

I've been reading a lot of bucket lists here in bloggyland lately.
I see so many people posting 25 in 25 or 30 in 30...
I have to admit, I'm a little jelly -
'cause this biotch is old...
and I'm pretty sure it is unrealistic that I will check 40 items off my bucket list in a little less than 6 years. So, I made an abbreviated list.
I have to be realistic here.
20 in 40 seems much more do-able.
So here it is, my 20 in 40...


1. Run a 5K

2. Get out of debt

3. Be a "class mom"

4. Make cannolis from scratch

5. Write a book

6. Ride The Hulk roller coaster at Universal Studios

7. Grow my blog

8. Make a scrap book

9. Go on a hike

10. Take a road trip with just the hubs

11. Take Jay to Vegas

12. Take another cruise

13. Swim with dolphins

14. Go back to school

15. Take Jay to New Orleans

16. Re-do our kitchen

17. Waterski

18. Run a half-marathon

19. Get a pet

20. Travel to California

Now I've got to make it happen :)

We'll come back to this in 6 months and see where I'm at.

Hopefully I'll be able to cross at least 1 thing off the list.

The cannolis at least!

and the scrap book... how hard can that be???

Wish me luck!!!!

Thankful Thursday

I spent the begininng of this week having a bit of a pity party.
I have to learn not to let other people dictate my happiness in life.
I try to be ambiguous when it comes to the ex's here on the blog, in case the kids ever come across it.
I don't want to be that step-mom...
but sometimes there is just no sugar-coating it.
Jay's ex is an asshole. Plain and simple. No two ways about it.
I've been stewing over the latest infraction for almost a week now,
and it's sucking my positive energy - so I need to let it go.
I need to focus on the positives... so here were are :)

Today I am thankful that R's baseball season finally starts on Saturday. It's a big fat bummer that I have to miss the game because this Saturday is also one of only three Saturdays I work all year. I'm really happy for him though, he is SO psyched! This year the kids are able to pitch and they will be keeping score. He is literally counting down the days!!!

I am thankful that the weather is finally warming up (insert sunshine & huge grin emojis here). No jackets here for the past 3 days! This means happy kids & it's been great for my exercise routine :)

I am thankful that I made it through week 1 of C25K and actually started on week 2! WEEK 2!
Can you believe it???
I really didn't think I could do it, so it has been a huge boost to my confidence to get that shit done!
Now I just need some good jams to keep me going, anyone have any suggestions???

I am thankful that my kids are healthy. I have been hearing way too many tragic stories these days, and it makes me so grateful to have my happy, healthy, for-the-most-part well-adjusted bunch of kiddos. Our life may not be perfect, but we have all the blessings we need.

Happy Almost-Friday Folks!!! Enjoy your day :)

I Can't Believe...

 

I Can't Believe - The way that one smell can take you back to entirely different time and place. I bought myself a new lipstick, and when I opened it up to put it on
the smell immediately reminded me of my mom.

So there I was in my bathroom putting on lipstick, with tears streaming down my face.

What a HOT MESS! & a waste of mascara!!

The tear inducing lipstick

I Can't Believe - The Yankees actually won 3 games in a row! Maybe we are turning things around... or maybe Cleveland just sucks this year. I'm not sure. I really don't care!
We won 3 games in a row!!! WOOT!

Now, try to save some runs for the future, no need to score them all in one series.

I Can't Believe - It was 80 degrees here yesterday! It was so nice out, I went walking twice!

Crazy, right??? R made me bust out the shorts, he was "so hot".

Too bad he will be in for a rude awakening when it goes back to 55 tomorrow. Womp, womp.

I Can't Believe - Jay finally got the training he was waiting for at work. I'm really happy for him because he has been waiting f-o-r-e-v-e-r. Not so happy for me because now I have another reason to worry about him. Some days I really hate his job.

I Can't Believe - How big baby M is getting. 17 months... Wow. No more baby here. Time is just zipping by & she is turning into a real spitfire, with tons of personality.
She is fiery and stubborn, like her momma.
It's not looking good for Jay... not 1, but 2 sassy ladies under the same roof.

He's gonna need an escape plan!

Silly girl!

Smiley face!

Happy Hump Day!!!!