Lost: Patience

Lost: Patience
If Found: Please return to the frazzled crazy woman at the end of this blog. 

I know that being a SAHM is not walk in the park, but there are some days that I really wish with all my might that I could give that a whirl. Don't get me wrong, I really enjoy my job(s), but sometimes it just gets the better of me. I am constantly wishing I could do more, be better... and it's exhausting.

I have to be at work super early and my friends let me tell you, I am NOT a morning person. AT ALL. Having to wake up to the alarm at that God-forsaken time Monday - Friday is a chore in and of itself, forget about having to be ready to be somewhere on top of that. Dump 8  hours of work on top of that, and I'm already day-dreaming about actually dreaming before I'm even half-way through my day. When I come home I have to squeeze in 45 minutes of exercise for my own sanity, and then I have to put on my wife/mommy hat. 

The major problem with this, is that I'm too exhausted to enjoy my children while wearing said hat. 

Last week Jay was on vacation, so that was a dream come true. He is most definitely the chef of the house, so he had my lunch ready for me every day when I came home (Who's better than him?) and either he cooked dinner every night, or we partnered up and cooked together. All four of the boys have a job to do, so set-up and clean-up went smoothly. It was so nice to be able to enjoy family dinners and then actually have time to hang out with the kids when it was all cleaned up. 

Sadly, this week we are back to reality. The boys are back at their moms, and Jay is back at work. We are back to 2 hours of homework a night, plus reading. Night time showers and packing lunches. Now it's just me, R & M for dinner and it's just too quiet. R helps out, but by the time I'm done cleaning up left overs and doing dishes, I just don't have the time to spend with them that I would like. 

I know people say to just leave the messes because your kids are only small for so long, but what do you do when you are a type A personality that simply just can't do that?

 ...also an undeniable nervous twitch?

It's a compulsion, I know - but I just can't stand the papers on the table, the dishes in the sink, the crumbs and toys all over the floor... If I try to leave the chores behind in an effort to spend more time with my loves, it literally keeps me up at night! I want to be able to enjoy the little time I have with my kiddos after working all day without feeling like I'm being a bad wife because the house in unkempt. Not to mention the fact that it would be nice to have 5 minutes for myself to watch some TV or read a book. GASP! A book? Do I even remember how to read? How do I find balance? 

this is what I should look like all the time....

but I'm pretty sure 95% of the time I look like this...

Or maybe more like this!

How do I find time for myself when my darling 2 year old won't sleep? She boycotts going to sleep, and lately is having trouble staying asleep. Where did we go wrong? She was doing great going down on her own for months. No fuss and no tears, sleeping through the night like a champ, and now all of the sudden bed time involves more negotiations than international peace summit! WTF? Aren't babies supposed to sleep poorly as infants and get better with age? What is with this regression here? I really don't know how much more of this broken sleep I can take! I. am. dying. here! 

but how can I stay mad at this face???

Between the lack of sleep, stress from work, and stress from life in general, I'm just really not feeling like myself lately. Little things are setting me off that never did before. I have lost my patience and I need to get it back, STAT! Apparently healthy eating and exercise alone are not enough to ward off the stress. 

Someone please tell me I'm not alone! How do you find balance between work and home responsibilities and keep your stress level down?

This mama is tired and feeling pretty crappy :(

FAIL! & Some Weekend Goodies

I have a couple of FAILS to note today. One personal, one blogger. Two big fat FAILS. 

FAIL #1 - I totally fizzled on the Dr. Oz 2 week plan. In my defense, 4/7 of us had the stomach flu for all of last weekend and part of this week... but the truth is, I was modifying it a lot at the end of last week. I did lose 4 lbs the week that the I did it, and I took a few positives away from the experience:

1. I can live without soda. 

2. I can control myself enough to seriously limit my gluten, carbs, dairy, and the times of day that I am eating. 

3. I feel better while doing all of the above.

I am currently working on making my house a more nutritious place for my family. I am paying much closer attention to the types of things I am buying and how we prepare our meals. I'm also keeping up with the Focus T25, and Shawn T is Kicking. My. Ass! 

FAIL #2 -  January 25th was my 1 YEAR BLOGIVERSARY, or MY BLOG'S 1st BIRTHDAY - however you want to look at it. I had a whole big post planned out in my head, and before I could start writing it - THE VIRUS HIT! So instead of writing the super fabulous post I was imagining in my head about how much I've enjoyed writing this little ditty, I spent 5 days cleaning up a little vomit, rubbing bellies, wiping tears, and being sick myself. Then I spent the rest of this week catching up on all the things we missed at the beginning of the week - housework & work for me, and hours upon hours of schoolwork for R. Hopefully by next week I will have my shit together! 

Before I bid you all a good weekend, two more orders of business... 

1. SUPERBOWL! We have no plans... womp! womp! We'll be hanging out at home watching the game with the kiddos, rooting for the Broncos of course. Being true Giants fans, we have to root for a Manning!!!  

2. I need to wish a Very Happy Birthday to my big sis Michele! When we were younger it sometimes seemed like the years between us were endless for her more than me, I'm sure!, but we've become so close as I've gotten older, and I am so thankful to call her my friend. I am grateful for her wisdom and experience, especially since my mom has been gone. I'm also grateful for her ability to let loose and find the party. She reminds me often that everyone deserves a little fun once in a while - no matter what your age or whose mom you are!  Michele, for this year I wish you nothing but good things - wishes granted and dreams come true. May you find what brings you true happiness, no one I know deserves it more. NOW BRING ON THE GOOSE!!!

  

   

Checking In....

Just want to start by wishing a Very Happy 12th Birthday to my beautiful niece Ashley, who loves it when she gets a shout out on my blog :) Hope you have a great day, darlin'! We love you!!!

Last Monday I started the Dr. Oz 2 week rapid weight loss plan. I went into it knowing we were going to Atlantic City Sunday and Monday, and that I would definitely be off the plan while we were there. 


Here's a few things I've learned so far:

1. Don't start what you know you can't/wont finish - I lost 4 pounds the first 5 days... and then in AC I went on a 2 day bender and gained half of it back. Even worse than that, afterwards I FELT. LIKE. SHIT. Which leads me to lesson #2. 

2. Gluten is the devil - I didn't realize what an impact this was having on me until I went without it for a whole solid week and then went back. Since the weekend I have been extremely bloated and felt exhausted, and both physically and mentally sluggish. I have no energy to do anything. I was feeling so good before! I'm honestly a little mad at myself for getting so carried away.

3. I'm done with chicken - I had grilled chicken a few times during the week last week as my 6 oz. for the day. Each time I got more and more turned off by it. When we were out to dinner Sunday night I ordered Chicken Parmesan, I figured if it's smothered in sauce and cheese how bad could it be? Well, even that grossed me out, so I think I'm done eating chicken for a while. 

4. I can survive without soda! It's been over two weeks now since I had any kind of soda, so I told myself that I would have some while we were away if they had my beloved Diet Dr. Pepper. Of course my Diet DP was no where to be found... so, no soda for me! I drank vodka with seltzer like a real grown up! Who knew? My sister would be so proud :)


This week I am back to Dr. Oz's plan, although I am substituting eggs for some of the meat since chicken is now off the table. I'm not sure if I will just finish out the original 2 weeks or try to do another full 2 weeks from when I got back on Tuesday, but one thing is for sure - I'm definitely keeping away from gluten and keeping the carbs and dairy to a minimum. Last week I felt better than I have in a long time, and now I am still recuperating from just 2 days of not paying attention to what I was fueling myself with. I'm definitely going to make a lot of these changes permanent. 

Since I was feeling so great last week, I had tons of energy to do the Focus T25 workouts I ordered. Shaun T is crazy, but in a good way. They were hard, but who doesn't have 25 minutes? Sunday and Monday were my rest days, but of course I still went to the gym for my favorite class Sunday morning. My legs were like JELL-O!!! 

This week I have fizzled out big time because I truly have had ZERO energy. I should have started back up on Tuesday, but I laid around in my pajamas instead. The SNOW DAY here yesterday did not help my laziness situation, AT ALL. Today I'm getting back in the saddle, I have to just rip off the band aid and get right back into it. I'm going to double up for the next couple of days so I can stay on schedule. Hopefully my legs don't fall off. 



How is the weather where you are? Were you lazy or productive with your snow day???

My Husband is Awesome

Seriously. My husband is AMAZING. Did I mention he's the best, EVER? 

So far Dr. Oz's plan hasn't been terrible, but I was worried about Monday night because dinner is our meal. Well, I'm here to tell you Jay came through in a major way. 

He somehow managed to cook us an utterly fantastic dinner without compromising Dr. Oz's restrictions. It was so good, I almost forgot I was on this plan! not really. Even he couldn't believe it. He said "am I really full from your diet food???"

He spiced rubbed some chicken & then sliced it up with my brown rice, home-made guacamole, tomato, onion, and green & red peppers. It was so delicious! He threw on some shredded cheese for the kids and they were sold! So yummy, and awesome that we were all able to sit down together with the same meal. 

I know it doesn't look too fancy, but it was delicious!!!

Day 2 wasn't terrible either. The first half of the day was almost exactly the same as Monday, so that kinda stinks. Dinner last night was pretty similar, I just changed up the veggies.

*FYI - DO NOT use raw garlic, in anything. Ever! I totally ruined what was promising to be delicious cauliflower mashed by adding in one super tiny clove of raw garlic. I was SO disappointed.  

Today I'm making tilapia, and believe it or not, R is super excited about that! He's been on a fish kick lately. "Who are you and what have you done with my 8 year old???" 

I took a couple of before pics on Monday before I hit the gym. I'm thinking I wont get on the scale until Saturday, since Sunday starts my AC hiatus. 

Still waiting to feel better, but I guess it's still too early for that. Waking up was a bit easier for me today, but I'm thinking that's because my kids had me so exhausted that I was actually able to fall asleep at a decent time! 


Worst part of the day for the past 2 days was being SUPER hungry later at night and not being able to snack, and also not having my dark chocolate covered fruit before bed. WAHHHHH!!!!!
I have trouble sleeping without my nightly dark chocolate fix. 

Oh, how I miss you!!!!

I'm really not sure how I'm going to survive 2 weeks without these little ditties!!! 

I miss them so much already!!!

Yesterday also started Focus T25. Shaun T is on crack! Fo real! I would like to think I'm in pretty good shape, and that shit kicked my ass! It's no joke. We'll see what today brings...

On a side note, just because I've been talking a lot about health lately... I wanted to share a couple of ultra cute pics I snapped of my little munchkin & I just being silly. God, how I love this girl!!! Her giggles just brighten up my day :)

She insisted on taking pictures of her loving me up <3

Silly girl!!!

Happy Hump Day All!!!! We're halfway to the weekend... 
if that isn't a reason to smile, I don't know what is!!!

The Dr. Oz Plan, Take 1...

So, I've decided to jump on this Dr. Oz two week rapid weight loss plan bandwagon... 

Not because I really want to lose any more weight, but because I'm interested in the health benefits he promotes. I'm dying to see if I will have less fatigue and great mental acuity once I have cut gluten, carbs and sugar out of my diet.

Read details about the plan here.

I don't think a regimen this strict is something I would choose to maintain past the two week mark, but I'm curious to see how much I can will stick with it and what I can incorporate into my daily lifestyle after the 2 weeks is up. 

With that being said, I'm already planning a 2-day hiatus from the plan because the hubby and I are headed to Atlantic City next weekend for some grown-up time, and I am surely going to have a few drinks (& wings... & pizzas... & hoggies... JK!!!)  maybe not.  

The best part about this whole thing is that I've even convinced Jay to give it a try, or at least a modified version. This is a HUGE deal because he loves food, so I'm really impressed that he agreed to take this plunge with me. 


I started off the day with lemon water and Greek yogurt. I was supposed to whip up this smoothie for breakfast, but I've been banished from smoothie making at the ungodly hour I have to be up for work. So, I had the veggie broth for lunch...

Everything tastes better in my favorite mug!

and brought the smoothie back to work with me for "lunch". 

Working lunch

Jay is insisting on cooking tonight, so we will incorporate the 6 oz of meat in with the 1/2 cup of rice & low-gli veggies at dinner time. Then more delicious (NOT) veggie broth on the side. 

Taste-wise it really hasn't been too terrible so far, but I've heard the end of the day is the hardest. I always have something sweet right before bed (around 10 pm) and this plan calls for no eating between 8 pm - 8 am, so I'm sure I will be really feeling it later. I'm hoping I don't feel too week for my chic boxing class tonight. 

I realized I didn't do a before pic, so I'll try to remember that before I hit the gym later. I'm curious to see how much of a difference there will be overall. 

Wish me luck! I'm crazy lady hangry already, and it's only 3 pm!!!!

Happy New Year....

I hope everyone had a wonderful holiday! Our holiday season was a busy one, filled with LOTS of celebrations and good times. 

Jay and I both had vacation (2 different weeks, of course) and we had the boys for a full week, so there was lots of family time to be had. 

The kids all got exactly what they wished for from the man with the bag, so we had four very happy boys and one very overwhelmed little girl. 

This Christmas was great for M, as she was finally starting to get the concept. She really was in puffy heart love with the season; Learning and singing Christmas songs, helping decorate the tree and wrap presents. We really had a blast with her this year. 

Her favorite gift (and our least favorite, lol) was the Doc McStuffin's toy microphone that Santa left in her stocking. It lights up and plays "Time for Your Check-up". 

She sings it All. Day. Long. Errr damn day.

Baby M and I preparing my mom's famous cheesecake for Christmas Eve dessert. 

M opening her gifts

R opening the one gift he was really dying for this year!

All my loves together on Christmas :)

Jay had to work on NYE and the boys went back to their moms, so it R, M & I spent it with my dad, my bestie & her family. 

There is truly no place else I would rather have been. Even though I couldn't be with my hubby & the rest of the boys, it was comforting to ring in the new year with some of my most favorite people.

Now it's 2014... and we got a cat. A kitten really. 

His name is Guinness & he's super cute. Well,  I think he's super cute. 

Jay's partner & his lovely wife had this little cutie and the rest of his clan hiding out in their backyard. 

Jay has been considering a cat lately because he really wanted the kids (esp. M) to have a pet and we just can't do a dog right now. 

So, we decided it was fate! Since this little guy was the only one who wanted anything to do with humans, we decided to give it a go. Chris & Erin scooped him up and met us at the vet with him and the rest is history.

Our new addition!

So, it's a new year, and I've got a million things swirling around in my head. 

There are so many things I want to do better this year. So many changes I would like to make. 

Now if only I could execute.

I definitely need to have more patience with my children. I need to try harder not to let the little things get to me and stress me out so much. 

The truth of the matter is, to a certain degree life is what it is. Some things are out of my control, and those are the things that usually upset me the most. I need to focus more on taking things in stride and making the best of what we have. 

How does the saying go? When life gives you lemons.... I need to enjoy my littles, because they will only be little once.

 

The house will be messier, the laundry will go longer, but I am determined not to worry so much about these things going forward. Unless we're having company, who is seeing my messy house? Exactly. No one but us. 

I'm not talking health hazard dirty here, just not my usual OCD standards. 

I'm going to do more puzzles, read more stories, and have more dance parties.

I have got to learn to let go a bit.

I also really need to get a handle on this gluten free eating and make it work for me, because my pain has been so much better since I started dabbling in this. 

I think I'd like to try to remove most carbs from my diet altogether, rather than always looking for gluten free solutions. 

It was very extremely hard to stick with this over the holidays, but I'm more determined than ever to be pain free in the new year.

Since I've been maintaining my weight for over a year now, I need to change things up on the fitness side as well. I'm not going to focus on the scale as much as how my clothes fit and how my body looks (to me).

I would like to build muscle to become leaner, stronger, and decrease my percentage of body fat. 

I also plan to increase my distance running to a 10K and possibly a half marathon, although I'm not sure I'm ready to entertain that thought just yet!

?????

My childhood next door neighbor is getting married this July (Congrats Brooke & Aaron!!!) and my goal for this summer is to be able to wear a dress from Express that has been hanging in my closet FOREVER(!), to their wedding.

I only wore it once before I gained too much weight to fit in it again. It is so gorgeous that I couldn't part with it. For all the times I cleaned out my closet after R was born and said, "you'll never be that size again", for some reason I kept this dress. 

Since age has caused things to shift and settle, it's going to take a little a lot of work to get back into this dress - so that is my fitness mission for the first half of 2014.

This is me in the dress in question, circa 2001.
I will get my a$$ back in this dress this summer! 

Jay and I are both going to try the Focus T25 workouts, and I'm contemplating taking a stab at Dr. Oz's Two week rapid weight loss plan - mainly because of the health benefits he promotes. Less fatigue and clearer thinking? Sign me up! 

I'm thinking maybe I can tie feeling better in to having more patience and energy for my band of tiny ruffians.

Who doesn't have 25 minutes a day??? 

I'm also extremely determined to make more time for my husband and our marriage this year. 

We get SO caught up in the kids and the daily chores of life that we aren't enjoying each other and what brought us together in the first place. 

Don't get me wrong, I am more in love with Jay now than ever before. I just don't get to show him enough, and that bothers me. 

I need to focus more time on building him up and letting him know just how proud of him and grateful for him I truly am. 

1st date night of the new year. I surprised him with a night out :)

What's new for you this year? Any resolutions you want to share?

It's My Party...

Tomorrow is my 35 birthday.... Half way to 40. Not sure exactly how I feel about that. I do know how I feel about my birthday as a general rule though, and it's not good. 

When my mom came home from the hospital the last time, the doctors told us she would most likely have a burst of energy for a bit right before the body started to shut down. She did. We had almost 2 good great weeks of conversation & time spent together. For almost two weeks she was able to walk herself around the house and do some things on her own, she even went back to sleeping with my dad in their room instead of the hospital bed that was set up for her in our living room.  

My birthday was on a Sunday that year. We had dinner and had the family & some friends over for cake. We sat next to each other, we shared cake and coffee (tea for me!) and had a few laughs. It was the first time in my life that I received a birthday card filled out by my dad. It was also the last birthday card I would ever get signed "love, mom & dad". I had no idea that that day would be the last day I would be able to have real conversation with my mother.

The very next day she was like a completely different person. She was lethargic, unable to move on her own, her speech was unrecognizable... I think it was a combination of the disease and the morphine, but the difference was astounding. For the next two weeks we watched her deteriorate. She became a shell of her former self. All the life in her, her beautiful spirit, just faded away. 

I like to think that she held on to that energy just to celebrate with me one last time, and I am so grateful for that. The flip side of that is that now my birthday will always be about "the last time". The last time we sat at our table together, the last time we ate together, the last time we really talked, my last birthday together... and I know I shouldn't let my mind wander there, that it's not what mom would want; and yet I can't help myself. I can't help but imagine what the last 15 birthdays would have been like if she had been here to celebrate them with me. I can't help but feel that I hate December and everything it stands for. I can't help but wish I could bring her back. 

That's my pity party for today...

Hopefully tomorrow will be better.