A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Office... The Story of This Week's NSV

A funny thing happened to me today on my way from my office to the main office in my building. 
I was taking my typical thrice daily walk to check my mailbox when I just so happened to catch a glimpse of something, or someone, in the display glass in the hallway. This person seemed familiar to me, although I didn't quite recognize her. She looked kinda like me, only thinner! and she had toned-ish looking legs! and a spring in her step!!! "Who could that girl be?"  

I think a lot of women deal with this, especially if you have struggled with weight issues for a long time (or you know, FOREVER). I don't see myself in the mirror the way other people see me. A lot of the time, I still see the old me. 

Don't get me wrong, in my conscious brain I know I've lost weight. I also know I look better and healthier now than I did before but... when you are overweight for a decent portion of your life, when you use food to cope with your emotions - the inner fat girl does not just politely back out the door when you tell her it's time to go. 

She hangs around, nagging at your subconscious, rearing her ugly head at you from time to time. 
I think sometimes it can be a good thing. Sometimes you need a reminder of where you came from to kick your butt in gear, and sometimes you just need to indulge - and believe me, she's there for that too!
However, sometimes she is there to mock you and play games with your head. 
Some days you just can't see past the inner fat girl in the mirror, no matter how hard you try. 

For me, today was not one of those days. For the first time in a long time I walked past that glass and caught a glimpse of what I've been working so hard for. I saw someone who looked strong and happy. It doesn't happen every day, because all you ladies know we are far too critical of ourselves and our bodies, but today I actually liked what I saw. Today I was proud of what I saw. 

Today I had a non-scale victory! 

I'm not sure I'll ever be satisfied, but I'm also not necessarily sure that's a bad thing. I think it's good to have new goals and aspirations to keep us moving forward. I'd like to see how far I can will push myself, how many things I can accomplish now that the old me never thought were possible (like beach volleyball, maybe???). 

I don't know what the future will bring, but I do know this... Today is shaping up to be a pretty good day my friends, a pretty good day indeed :)

Hooray!

So... I got this super cool email the other day telling me my little ol' blog has been nominated as a top Step-parenting Blog! How cool is that??? 
We've been so sick, I almost missed it. Thankfully that didn't happen and now I'm sharing this little tidbit with all my internet friends. Who doesn't love a good contest???
If you would like to cast a vote (or two) for little old me, please follow this link & show me some love <3 Votes can be cast one time per IP address.
http://voiceboks.com/50-step-parenting-blog-nominees/  

I'm not sure which lovely nominated me, but I am flattered BEYOND belief! The fact that anyone reads this thing makes me smile, the fact that people might actually think it's good takes it to a whole other level! I just try to share my journey, my experiences with my wacky crew & keep it real. Thanks for taking the ride with me :)

Love to all! 

5 on Friday

I haven't done a link-up in forever. My friend Cari over at Adventures of the Roberts always does this one and I thought it looked fun so I'm going to jump in this week! I'm sharing 5 bits of randomness on my second favorite day of the week :)

{ONE}

So happy for warmer weather. M was able to play on the playground during R's baseball practice the other night, so everyone was happy! Except for me, mainly because she insisted on leaving the house looking like this....

{TWO}

Beach volleyball. 
I'm playing it. 
This summer, on an actual team. 
Fo Realz.
This is scary, mainly because I'm extremely uncoordinated & tend to fall a lot... but it's guaranteed to be a good time with this motley crew. Can't wait for that debacle to begin!

{THREE}

We finally broke down and bought M a baby Anna doll since she has been doing so good with potty training. To say this girl is in love would be an understatement. Her braids have already been removed, hair is a hot mess, & she must have "AH-na", Olaf & "AH-na's" hair brush everywhere we go!

{FOUR}

Captain America comes out today!!! Can't wait to catch this one in the theater with my love! 

{FIVE}

I finally found a Quest bar I can get behind!!! I've been looking for something meal replacement-ish to have before/after I workout besides my protein shake. Jay has banished from using the Nutri-bullet in the morning, so I can't take one to work for breakfast or have one before I hit the gym on the weekends. I bought a few different flavors of the Quest bars because I've heard so much about them and how good they taste. I tried Cookies & Cream and Chocolate Brownie; I was not impressed with either. They both had that funny aftertaste that things with artificial sweetener tend to have, so I gave up for a while. Last night I remembered I had a Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough left and let me tell you, that was delicious! I need to buy myself a whole case of those bad boys!!! The best part is they're gluten free too, so good for my belly :)

Have a great weekend!!!!


 

Ants in the Pants

I've been struggling a bit lately, and I hate the feeling that I am losing control over something. So I'm coming to you for help, my bloggy friends. The beautiful thing about the Internet is that there are so many people out there, and someone is bound to have a similar experience to you. I'm hoping that's the case, and someone out here in the blogoshpere can give me some guidance or maybe just a boost. 

As a parent, you always want what is best for your children. You want them to be happy and successful in everything they do. For this reason, I have always had a hard time with school. I hate not knowing if they are happy and feeling special and successful all day. I worry about them getting picked on or feeling "stupid" if they get the answer wrong in front of the class. Part of this is me projecting my insecurities from my own poor school experience, and I know that. I assume the other part just comes with being a parent and the difficulty of separating from your child.

You see, my son has ants in his pants. These ants have followed him since kindergarten, all the way to the third grade. They even make their way home with him at the end of every school day. We have been watching them closely, hoping they would hit the trail (pun intended), but so far we've had no such luck.  

So what do you do when you know your child requires a little more attention than most? How do you focus on your own responsibilities when you know your child is struggling and you can't be there or don't know how to help him? 

Our two older boys both have had their share of learning difficulties so I'm no stranger to this sort of thing, but with our little guy it's a little less black and white. He is academically quite capable, but he has a very hard time focusing. The concern is that if he continues to have this difficulty, the missing information will eventually cause him to fall behind. We have already tried manipulating sleep/wake times to improve behavior during the school day, and giving a break after school before homework to no avail. 

We are currently working with some behavioral modification programs both at school and at home, trying to focus on the positives rather than the negatives. The consensus is that if we give the power to him, he will focus longer and try harder to make things go in the direction in which he wants them to go.   

Yesterday I was a little nervous to tell him about the new system we were going to be using at home where he will be earning his TV and electronic device time by way of neatly and correctly completing all of his homework assignments. He was SO excited about the new program his teacher was using in school and how well he did with that in school, I thought it might go better than I expected - and it did, at first. Homework went off without a hitch! He made corrections without complaint, and earned almost of all of the electronics time available during his allotted after school hours. Apparently the more he thought about our arrangement the more he decided he didn't like it, because by the end of the night it was all he could talk about... and then he put his nasty pants on. Next came those dreaded words. The words no mother ever wants to hear, even when you know they don't really mean it.

 "I HATE YOU", he said. 

Then he put himself to bed. He wouldn't even say good night to me.

* SOB* 

This is hands down the hardest part of parenting. My mind knows we are doing what is best for him, but my heart wants to tell him to forget the whole thing & give him whatever he wants just so he won't be mad at me anymore. I know it was only the first day of our new systems, but I was hoping it would go a little bit better than "I hate you" right out of the gate. Cross your fingers for me that day 2 goes a little a lot better. 

Do you have a hyper or easily distracted child? How do you deal with homework? Outbursts? Has anyone tried modifying diet, and if so, did you find it to be successful in any way? I would love to know I'm not alone in this and hear some other perspectives/advice. 

Thankful Thursday

I've spent the last 2 weeks suffering miserably and recuperating from the flu. I have never been so sick before in my life. The fever and sweats kept me up all night. I mean literally had to get up and change my clothes in the middle of the night, menopause-type sweats! The pounding in my head and ache in my back made me want to curl up and sleep all day. 

Unfortunately, when you have children rest is pretty hard to come by. Jay was unable to stay home from work, so I was on my own most of the time. It's taking me a little longer to get 100% back to myself since I wasn't able to rest as much as I should have. 

It's been very hard to get back into the exercise groove because my body is still so tired, and I had an asthma attack during my first post-flu attempt at running. I like to do everything full throttle, so I'm having a really hard time taking it easy. I'm generally an all or nothing type person when it comes to working out, so it's really been bugging me that I can't get in the type of workout that I love. I'm feeling better every day though, so I think I'm almost there! 

Slowly but surely I'm getting back into my routine, and I've been thinking this week about how lucky I am... even when it seems that maybe I'm not. 

In spite of all the hardships, I still have a ton of things to be thankful for:

Since we live in NY, where everything costs a bloody fortune, it's sometimes easy for us to forget that we both have really good jobs and make a good living. Unfortunately it's not enough, but I'm very grateful for what we do have. 

Last week when I was sick I had to take care of the kids myself, which sucked a little bit, but not too much because I have the best kids ever. They were both so well behaved! Baby M especially, I still can't get over how good she was!!! Even R was able to reign in some of his excess energy and keep it together so I didn't want to kill him on top of feeling like shit. On Saturday when the boys were with us they were also so good and so helpful. I really am so blessed to have such good kids. At first I was mad at Jay for not being able to help me out more, but I decided I have to just view it as more time spent with my loves, whether I felt good or not. Being upset about it isn't going to change anything, and I need to focus my energy on more positive things. 

I am also thankful that I have such wonderful friends, who brought me & the kids dinner and goodies when I was stranded in my house for a week. My bffl checked in on me every. single. day. When you don't have a mom, it's nice to have someone looking out for you... 

Which is why I'm equally as thankful for my sister, who also checked in on me daily while I was sick & helped out by taking R to religious ed for me so I could rest. 

I really am so blessed to be surrounded by such wonderful people. I have definitely learned my lesson for next year & I will be first on line at my doctor's office for my flu shot! Never want to deal with that bullshit ever again. 

Lost: Patience

Lost: Patience
If Found: Please return to the frazzled crazy woman at the end of this blog. 

I know that being a SAHM is not walk in the park, but there are some days that I really wish with all my might that I could give that a whirl. Don't get me wrong, I really enjoy my job(s), but sometimes it just gets the better of me. I am constantly wishing I could do more, be better... and it's exhausting.

I have to be at work super early and my friends let me tell you, I am NOT a morning person. AT ALL. Having to wake up to the alarm at that God-forsaken time Monday - Friday is a chore in and of itself, forget about having to be ready to be somewhere on top of that. Dump 8  hours of work on top of that, and I'm already day-dreaming about actually dreaming before I'm even half-way through my day. When I come home I have to squeeze in 45 minutes of exercise for my own sanity, and then I have to put on my wife/mommy hat. 

The major problem with this, is that I'm too exhausted to enjoy my children while wearing said hat. 

Last week Jay was on vacation, so that was a dream come true. He is most definitely the chef of the house, so he had my lunch ready for me every day when I came home (Who's better than him?) and either he cooked dinner every night, or we partnered up and cooked together. All four of the boys have a job to do, so set-up and clean-up went smoothly. It was so nice to be able to enjoy family dinners and then actually have time to hang out with the kids when it was all cleaned up. 

Sadly, this week we are back to reality. The boys are back at their moms, and Jay is back at work. We are back to 2 hours of homework a night, plus reading. Night time showers and packing lunches. Now it's just me, R & M for dinner and it's just too quiet. R helps out, but by the time I'm done cleaning up left overs and doing dishes, I just don't have the time to spend with them that I would like. 

I know people say to just leave the messes because your kids are only small for so long, but what do you do when you are a type A personality that simply just can't do that?

 ...also an undeniable nervous twitch?

It's a compulsion, I know - but I just can't stand the papers on the table, the dishes in the sink, the crumbs and toys all over the floor... If I try to leave the chores behind in an effort to spend more time with my loves, it literally keeps me up at night! I want to be able to enjoy the little time I have with my kiddos after working all day without feeling like I'm being a bad wife because the house in unkempt. Not to mention the fact that it would be nice to have 5 minutes for myself to watch some TV or read a book. GASP! A book? Do I even remember how to read? How do I find balance? 

this is what I should look like all the time....

but I'm pretty sure 95% of the time I look like this...

Or maybe more like this!

How do I find time for myself when my darling 2 year old won't sleep? She boycotts going to sleep, and lately is having trouble staying asleep. Where did we go wrong? She was doing great going down on her own for months. No fuss and no tears, sleeping through the night like a champ, and now all of the sudden bed time involves more negotiations than international peace summit! WTF? Aren't babies supposed to sleep poorly as infants and get better with age? What is with this regression here? I really don't know how much more of this broken sleep I can take! I. am. dying. here! 

but how can I stay mad at this face???

Between the lack of sleep, stress from work, and stress from life in general, I'm just really not feeling like myself lately. Little things are setting me off that never did before. I have lost my patience and I need to get it back, STAT! Apparently healthy eating and exercise alone are not enough to ward off the stress. 

Someone please tell me I'm not alone! How do you find balance between work and home responsibilities and keep your stress level down?

This mama is tired and feeling pretty crappy :(

FAIL! & Some Weekend Goodies

I have a couple of FAILS to note today. One personal, one blogger. Two big fat FAILS. 

FAIL #1 - I totally fizzled on the Dr. Oz 2 week plan. In my defense, 4/7 of us had the stomach flu for all of last weekend and part of this week... but the truth is, I was modifying it a lot at the end of last week. I did lose 4 lbs the week that the I did it, and I took a few positives away from the experience:

1. I can live without soda. 

2. I can control myself enough to seriously limit my gluten, carbs, dairy, and the times of day that I am eating. 

3. I feel better while doing all of the above.

I am currently working on making my house a more nutritious place for my family. I am paying much closer attention to the types of things I am buying and how we prepare our meals. I'm also keeping up with the Focus T25, and Shawn T is Kicking. My. Ass! 

FAIL #2 -  January 25th was my 1 YEAR BLOGIVERSARY, or MY BLOG'S 1st BIRTHDAY - however you want to look at it. I had a whole big post planned out in my head, and before I could start writing it - THE VIRUS HIT! So instead of writing the super fabulous post I was imagining in my head about how much I've enjoyed writing this little ditty, I spent 5 days cleaning up a little vomit, rubbing bellies, wiping tears, and being sick myself. Then I spent the rest of this week catching up on all the things we missed at the beginning of the week - housework & work for me, and hours upon hours of schoolwork for R. Hopefully by next week I will have my shit together! 

Before I bid you all a good weekend, two more orders of business... 

1. SUPERBOWL! We have no plans... womp! womp! We'll be hanging out at home watching the game with the kiddos, rooting for the Broncos of course. Being true Giants fans, we have to root for a Manning!!!  

2. I need to wish a Very Happy Birthday to my big sis Michele! When we were younger it sometimes seemed like the years between us were endless for her more than me, I'm sure!, but we've become so close as I've gotten older, and I am so thankful to call her my friend. I am grateful for her wisdom and experience, especially since my mom has been gone. I'm also grateful for her ability to let loose and find the party. She reminds me often that everyone deserves a little fun once in a while - no matter what your age or whose mom you are!  Michele, for this year I wish you nothing but good things - wishes granted and dreams come true. May you find what brings you true happiness, no one I know deserves it more. NOW BRING ON THE GOOSE!!!