Tuesday, December 23, 2014

A Letter to my Husband

To the love of my life, 

In the every day marathon that our lives have become, I don't think I take enough time out to let you know how much you mean to me, how much you are loved and appreciated. 

The twinkle in your beautiful baby blues, the way you clearly loved your boys so, the easy going way in which you spoke that made me feel like somehow I had already known you forever... All these things and more drew me to you that very first night. I had long since forgotten the feeling of butterflies in my stomach, but it all came rushing back to me under the dark lights of Cannon's Blackthorn. I couldn't wait to see you again, to get to know you better. When you kissed me I just knew, I knew I would be kissing those lips for an eternity.  

We've traveled a long and winding road this last 7.5 years. It hasn't always been easy, but together we have managed to take it all on and come through whatever has been thrown our way. Five kids can be a lot to handle, but I think they are all a testament to us, and the strength of our love; to the value we put on family. The boys especially; they are so good, so genuine, so loving, so strong, and it's all because they have you for a role model. An honest, hard-working, loving man who puts his life on the line daily for the job he loves. 

I would be remiss not to mention all the turmoil going on in NYC right now. It has a huge impact on our lives. First and foremost, I have to tell you how unbelievably brave I think you are. There is no way in hell I could ever be a police officer. I'm far too chicken to ever put myself in a position of possible physical altercation, or to even hold a weapon, let alone having to use one. 
I am humbled by the fact that someone I love is so willing to give of themselves for the safety of others, and so very honored to tell people that I am your wife. 
I am amazed by the ease at which you do you job, the comfort level you have even with all the risks involved. The way you never seem afraid...
In spite of all of that, I am terrified every time you walk out that door.

I never gave it much thought in the beginning. Work was just a place you went, and you always came home, and I never heard much about what happened in between. Then the assault happened. Ever since then I'm always a little nervous when you leave for work, because now I know something can happen to you. You are not infallible.

Now, today, in December of 2014, I am petrified at the thought of you being a walking target. The fear that you could walk out that door for work one day and never come home is far to real right now, and it paralyzes me at times. I can't imagine, even for one second, what my life would be like without you in it. You are the thread that stitches my ripped seams. The glue that holds all my broken pieces together. You are the rock on which I depend for all things. Without you, my world would be dark. Our children would be lost. I truly can't even fathom it. 

I wanted you to know that.

Today of all days, I need you to know that you are one of the 6 greatest gifts God has given me. Of course without you, the other 5 gifts would not have been possible.

You show me love, Every. Single. Day. Even when I'm in a bad mood; when I'm being evil and terrible to you, you always show me love and patience. 
You support me, Every. Single. Day. When I feel like the load of this life is just to much for me to bear, you shoulder it for me. 
When I am down on myself, you lift me up.  
You give me strength, Every. Single. Day. When I lose faith in myself, you encourage me in ways I could never to do for myself. 
You truly are my better half, and I would be so lost in this world without you. 

I pray to God that he will keep you safe; that my mother - my guardian angel, is watching over you as well, and that they will keep you coming home to us safely every single night. 

I love you, my lobster. I will never stop loving you. I will love you with every ounce of my being for the rest of my life. 

Today, and every day,  I just need you to know how thankful I am for the gift of you. 

Forever and always,


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