Sunday, April 28, 2013

I WILL Be There...

I haven't been feeling that great lately. I have had to literally drag myself out to do my exercising almost every day last week. On my run last Friday, I was really having a hard time. I found myself wondering, "why am doing this???" So I started thinking about it... Why am I doing this?

I am doing this because I WILL be there when my daughter graduates from college.
I WILL be there when she gets married.
I WILL be there when she has her babies.
I WILL love those grandchildren up with all my might.
I WILL be as healthy as possible.
I WILL do everything in my power to be here for all 5 of my children for as long as possible.

Even though I know my mom couldn't help getting sick, I just wish she would've taken better care of herself & I don't want my kids to say the same thing about me.

So, there I was running down the street with tears streaming down my face. I must've been some sight to see! It kept me going though. I pushed through. I finished it up.

When I went out yesterday, I found I didn't have to push as hard. The thought of living a long, healthy life for my beautiful babies keeps me going.

I'm not sure how long it will take me to complete a full 5K, but I will get it done. I'm more motivated now then I ever have been before.

Thank goodness now the sun is finally shining, it's making it A LOT easier to get my ass outside :)

Happy running people!!!

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Friday, April 19, 2013

Friday's Letters


Dear Boston - My heart goes out to you as you try to move on from Monday's tragic events at the marathon. Like most of the nation, I am waiting with baited breath for the authorities to capture the second suspect so the lock down can be lifted and you can attempt to ease back into life as usual. Although I know as New Yorker who's lived through an attack on her city, life will never be the same for you. I am praying for all those in Boston right now, but I pray especially hard for all the law enforcement
personnel who are risking their lives to apprehend this madman as we speak. God bless you Boston.

Dear West - I am also praying for you, that you may find the strength to get through the aftermath of that horrible blast. I'm praying for you to come together as a community and help each other through. God bless you as well.

Dear Work - I hate you this week. You suck. That is all.

Dear Friday - Thank God for you.

Dear Hibachi - I'm coming for ya! I can't wait to spend time with good friends tonight, good friends who I don't get to see often enough :) It's definitely going to be a good night!

Happy Friday everyone! Please pray for our fellow man. I think we could all use a little love and peace right now.

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Thursday, April 18, 2013

I Can't Believe

Today this will be short and sweet, and probably a little depressing... but it's just how I'm feeling right now.

I Can't Believe... That I am raising my children in a world so full of hate and violence. I can't believe that I have been alive to witness so many horrid terrorist attacks here on American soil.

In the aftermath of the original World Trade Center bombing, I sat with my mom and my sister waiting for my dad to call and tell us he was okay. This was before every day Joe's had cell phones, and he never thought to use a pay phone. It was the longest day of our lives until he came home that night.

In 1995, the nation was horrified again as we heard the news of the Oklahoma City bombing. So many lives lost, so many children.

Six years later I sat frozen in front of my television and watched as the Twin Towers fell to the ground, taking my beautiful cousin Christy A. Addamo with them. She was just 28 years old, in the prime of her life. She'll never know the joys of marriage or motherhood... so many places she'll never travel, experiences she'll never have. The sheer volume of lives lost, and still being lost to this day as a direct result. It is unfathomable.

2013. Boston Marathon. Here we are again, transfixed to our televisions, watching the constant coverage of this latest horror. More lives lost, countless individuals injured... It is truly heartbreaking to see, and it seems that we keep seeing it over and over again. It is tragic for all involved, but when I see pictures of little Martin Richard in his communion suit, my heart just aches for him and his family. My little boy will receive his first communion in 3 short weeks. It is just gut wrenching to think that this could happen to any of us, at any time it seems. That could have been my family on that finish line, or yours...

When will it end? When will the light outshine the darkness?

That's it. The only thing I can't believe this week. I can't believe that my children will grow up in this world that seems to be full of so much hate, and that there will be nothing I can do to protect them.  I can teach them to love above all else, to be generous, kind and peaceful, but really... in the end, there is nothing I can do to truly keep them safe - and that scares me to death.

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Friday, April 12, 2013

Friday's Letters


Dear M - Why won't you sleep??? Daddy and I are EXHAUSTED!!!! It's one thing if you're in pain, I get that. Mommy doesn't ever want you to be in pain - but the wanting to hang out and "chat" in the middle of the night has got. to. stop. My eyes are literally closing as I type this.

Doesn't she look like an angel when she's sleeping???

Dear Bad Guys - Stop doing your thing on Saturday nights.
It really BITES THE BIG ONE that Jay seems to always be working late on Saturday nights.
When he doesn't get home until 6 am, it really screws up our only family day.
I am NOT a fan.
Kindly commit your crimes at another time.
Please and thank you.

Dear Legs - Please don't fail me now. I feel like I can really do this C25K thing, so please stop hurting me! I know my body is old, tired and busted; but this chick is ready to run!!! Please, please, please just give me a break! Or not. You know what I mean!!!

Dear Mom - I miss you, A LOT. Planning R's First Holy Communion has really made me very emotional about it. I guess it's just because this is another first for us that you are missing.
Maybe it's because my baby boy is growing up and this just reminds me that you are not here to see it.
It also scares me. It makes me wonder how many firsts I will be able to share with them myself, and how many I may miss...
I love you, I miss you, and I just wish I could squeeze you right now. That's all.

Me and my momma - 1979

Just so I'm not a complete Debbie Downer here...

Dear Kiki La Rue - I think we need KLR anonymous meetings, and I will be the first client.
I am seriously ADDICTED!!!
I can't. stop. shopping! When my hubby throws me out, I'm coming to live with you Becka! 
Seriously, I cannot wait for the temps to warm up here so I can finally wear my new dresses. They are gorg, and make me feel so sexy! Amazeballs merchandise, and customer service to match. LOVE. IT. Please don't ever stop what you are doing!!!

Dear Rain - GO AWAY!!!! It's Friday, and the rest of this weekend is supposed to be beautiful... so take a hike so I can enjoy the sunshine with my family (and maybe wear one of my new KLR dresses)!

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Thursday, April 11, 2013

20 in 40

I've been reading a lot of bucket lists here in bloggyland lately.
I see so many people posting 25 in 25 or 30 in 30...
I have to admit, I'm a little jelly -
'cause this biotch is old...
and I'm pretty sure it is unrealistic that I will check 40 items off my bucket list in a little less than 6 years. So, I made an abbreviated list.
I have to be realistic here.
20 in 40 seems much more do-able.
So here it is, my 20 in 40...

1. Run a 5K

2. Get out of debt

3. Be a "class mom"

4. Make cannolis from scratch

5. Write a book

6. Ride The Hulk roller coaster at Universal Studios

7. Grow my blog

8. Make a scrap book

9. Go on a hike

10. Take a road trip with just the hubs

11. Take Jay to Vegas

12. Take another cruise

13. Swim with dolphins

14. Go back to school

15. Take Jay to New Orleans

16. Re-do our kitchen

17. Waterski

18. Run a half-marathon

19. Get a pet

20. Travel to California

Now I've got to make it happen :)

We'll come back to this in 6 months and see where I'm at.

Hopefully I'll be able to cross at least 1 thing off the list.

The cannolis at least!

and the scrap book... how hard can that be???

Wish me luck!!!!

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Thankful Thursday

I spent the begininng of this week having a bit of a pity party.
I have to learn not to let other people dictate my happiness in life.
I try to be ambiguous when it comes to the ex's here on the blog, in case the kids ever come across it.
I don't want to be that step-mom...
but sometimes there is just no sugar-coating it.
Jay's ex is an asshole. Plain and simple. No two ways about it.
I've been stewing over the latest infraction for almost a week now,
and it's sucking my positive energy - so I need to let it go.
I need to focus on the positives... so here were are :)

Today I am thankful that R's baseball season finally starts on Saturday. It's a big fat bummer that I have to miss the game because this Saturday is also one of only three Saturdays I work all year. I'm really happy for him though, he is SO psyched! This year the kids are able to pitch and they will be keeping score. He is literally counting down the days!!!

I am thankful that the weather is finally warming up (insert sunshine & huge grin emojis here). No jackets here for the past 3 days! This means happy kids & it's been great for my exercise routine :)

I am thankful that I made it through week 1 of C25K and actually started on week 2! WEEK 2!
Can you believe it???
I really didn't think I could do it, so it has been a huge boost to my confidence to get that shit done!
Now I just need some good jams to keep me going, anyone have any suggestions???

I am thankful that my kids are healthy. I have been hearing way too many tragic stories these days, and it makes me so grateful to have my happy, healthy, for-the-most-part well-adjusted bunch of kiddos. Our life may not be perfect, but we have all the blessings we need.

Happy Almost-Friday Folks!!! Enjoy your day :)

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Wednesday, April 10, 2013

I Can't Believe...


I Can't Believe - The way that one smell can take you back to entirely different time and place. I bought myself a new lipstick, and when I opened it up to put it on
the smell immediately reminded me of my mom.
So there I was in my bathroom putting on lipstick, with tears streaming down my face.
What a HOT MESS! & a waste of mascara!!

The tear inducing lipstick

I Can't Believe - The Yankees actually won 3 games in a row! Maybe we are turning things around... or maybe Cleveland just sucks this year. I'm not sure. I really don't care!
We won 3 games in a row!!! WOOT!
Now, try to save some runs for the future, no need to score them all in one series.

I Can't Believe - It was 80 degrees here yesterday! It was so nice out, I went walking twice!
Crazy, right??? R made me bust out the shorts, he was "so hot".
Too bad he will be in for a rude awakening when it goes back to 55 tomorrow. Womp, womp.

I Can't Believe - Jay finally got the training he was waiting for at work. I'm really happy for him because he has been waiting f-o-r-e-v-e-r. Not so happy for me because now I have another reason to worry about him. Some days I really hate his job.

I Can't Believe - How big baby M is getting. 17 months... Wow. No more baby here. Time is just zipping by & she is turning into a real spitfire, with tons of personality.
She is fiery and stubborn, like her momma.
It's not looking good for Jay... not 1, but 2 sassy ladies under the same roof.
He's gonna need an escape plan!

Silly girl!
Smiley face!

Happy Hump Day!!!!

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Tuesday, April 9, 2013

It's Time to Move On

Thursday is THE DAY.

I'm finally giving up my Weight Watchers app.
It's been great.
I love the program.
It's been keeping me on the right path for the past 10 months. So why give it up, you ask?
I don't want to pay $18.95 a month to maintain my weight.
It's been 6 months now.
I have to learn how to do it on my own...
or at least with some free app help ;)

I'll miss you WW....

So, now I need to find a new app for tracking my food and daily activity.
I tried My Fitness Pal, but I found it too difficult to track my activity. It was way too specific for me. My bestie suggested Fooducate, which I am currently trying out. It has some good features, but there are some things I don't love about that one as well. It's great for tracking store bought items,
but difficult for home made recipes and things like that.
It's also been crazy hard to track calories when I'm so used to points.
I think it's just a matter of getting used to something new, I loved my WW tracker so much!!!

Anywho... Like I said, time to move on.

Since I'm starting fresh, I need to come up with a new exercise plan too. When the timing is right with Jay's schedule, I do a free cardio class offered at my job. It is AMAZING! I wish I could do it the full four times a week it is offered, but alas... hubby's job takes precedence. So for now it's just Mondays and Saturdays. Last week I started the C25K training program. I'm hoping running will help me get a little more fit. So far, so good. I think. Well, maybe not really. I've only done 3 workouts... But I did 3 workouts! That's something, right? I've also been walking daily on my break at work. If I don't get my burn in during the day, it rarely ever never happens. Too many things (or little people) distract me when I'm at home. I am still finding it difficult to make time for myself and my health goals.

To help keep me motivated, I joined the Operation Red Bikini challenge over at Southern Girl Gets Fit.

I found this blog & challenge through Kyra from Nine Months. I love connecting with other ladies who are traveling the same weight loss road. My goal for this challenge is to fit into the dress I wore for our rehearsal dinner 3 years ago, & maybe my honeymoon bikini.
For me it's more about feeling healthy and comfortable in my own skin.  

All you runners out there, how many times a week do you typically run? I truly have no idea where to start. Any suggestions for a new tracking app are also welcome.
Thinking I will stick with Fooducate for now unless I can find something better.

Hope you all have a wonderful week :)

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Monday, April 8, 2013

Weekend Fun!

We didpretty much nothing all weekend, and I loved every second of it!

Saturday morning I went to my cardio class & then hit the grocery store. Had to stock up for the weekend... there is never enough food in my house when all four boys are there! Jay worked a double, so it was just me and the kiddos from about noon until bedtime. There was lots of baseball and trampoline time. Baby M played with the new Disney Princess bubbles she got for Easter, and ran around our yard in circles :) It was almost impossible to get her back in the house. Home made turkey meatballs and pasta for dinner, and ice cream sundaes for the kids for dessert. I had an Italian ice. It was no where near as fun as their sundaes :/

Sunday morning I went for a walk/run with my bestie. I dragged her into my C25K workout!
When I got back Jay was taking the boys to see GI Joe: Retaliation, so it was just me & M for the afternoon. We did a little shopping. We hit up The Children's Place, Kohl's and Trader Joe's. I wish I could say it was lots of fun, but Miss M is turning into quite a PIA when we go out. She wants to do everything herself, which means she now hates the stroller and carts of any kind! She is so much more independent than R was at her age. Daddy & the boys were home by the time we got back, so then it was turkey taco time. By the time dinner was finished it was time for the boys to head back to their mom's house. It is truly our least favorite part of the weekend :(


Mommy & girl time :)

The weekends really do go too quickly.

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Friday, April 5, 2013

Friday's Letters


Linking up with Ashley at The Sweet Season for Friday's Letters,
and sending her a huge congrats on her baby boy news!!!

Dear Yankees - Thanks for finally putting one in the win column. Getting swept by Boston in the opening series would've been a really bad sign for the rest of the season. My house was a much more pleasant place last night, now I have a happy hubby!

Way to go Mo!!! (Newsday)

Dear Cold - Please, please, PLEASE go away!!! The boys are coming early this week, and Jay is doing a double tomorrow so I will be all alone with all five lovelies. I need all the strength I can get to chase after these guys!!! I CAN'T be sick! Ain't nobody got time for that!!!

Dear IRS, NYS & NYC - Thank you much for being Johnny on the Spot with our tax refunds. The reduction in stress that has provided is greatly appreciated! So nice to not have to worry about money, even if it will only be until next month :)

Dear Little League - Where are the schedules??? I am having a tremendous amount anxiety about juggling the boys baseball schedules for the spring. It is going to take a lot of finagling between the three boys and making it fit into our visitation schedule. I'm really worried about it and want need to plan!

Dear Husband - My dear lobster -  I know I don't say it enough, but I love you to pieces. You really are the best hubby and daddy any family could ask for! I love how you make me feel about myself, you always find a way to pick me up when I am down. I appreciate you and how hard you work for our family so much. I hope you realize how much you mean to me. You are as vital to me as the air I breathe, I can't even fathom my life without you.
P.S. - I promise I'll try really hard not to throw my ring at you this week ;)

Dear Spring Weather - Please hurry up and get here already. I am dying to take baby M outside to play more, and really start running outside. I need the sunshine to motivate me!
Warm temps, get here quick!!!

Happy Friday Everyone!!!

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Thursday, April 4, 2013

Out of Sight, Out of Mind

So, I know Thursday is usually all about being thankful, but I'm a little bummed out today and I need to vent. This may be just a blended family thing, but maybe you can still relate.

Last week we had a great week with my step-boys. I' m not going to lie and say it was all rainbows and roses. Let's face it, 5 kids is a lot of work. The boys are great together on weekends, and even at the beginning of a long stay - but by the end of a full week they are really getting on each other's nerves. With that being said, we still had a great time.
We played outside, we played inside, we watched movies, we cooked, we baked.
They played with their sister, A LOT!!!
We spent lots of time together as a family, which was great.

They went back to their mom's on Good Friday
...and then they forgot about us :(

On Easter Sunday we tried to call and text B, and got no response.
We iMessaged A & D and tried to face time with them, and still got nothing. 
This happens almost every time we try to get in touch with them.

It leaves me wondering... is it just us?
Do they not miss us when we aren't together? 
Do all step-families go through something like this?

We don't have a particularly good relationship with their mom, so she doesn't encourage them to call their dad. He will text her and ask for the boys to call us, and many times she blows that off too. It makes me feel badly for my hubs that they don't want to call on their own. It also hurts me a bit that they don't want to check in to see how their sister is doing. I know they are still young. They are probably just preoccupied with having fun and doing little boy things. I feel like B has less of an excuse at almost 14 years old. Would it be different if they were girls? I try to remind myself that they didn't ask to call their mom at all either, for the entire week they were with us. 
I try to remind myself that absence makes the heart grow fonder,
and it doesn't necessarily matter if we don't touch base during the week
because we always have good quality time on the weekends. But...

I just can't shake this feeling that we are loosing them... that the older they get, the less they are going to want to be with us. That the more involved they get with school and sports (hopefully their mom stays in this place long enough for them to become to invested), the less willing they will be to spend a weekend away from it all. I know this is the nature of the beast with all children as they grow, that they all get to a point that they would rather be with their friends than their parents.
I was a teenager not too long ago, and I totally remember that feeling of not wanting to be anywhere near my parents -  but I feel that the physical distance (36 miles/1 hour each way) between us is going to make it that much harder for us to maintain the quality family time we hold so dear. It is true for so many things in life, but I don't want it to be this way with our boys.
I want to know that they miss us every second of every day like we miss them.
 I don't want it to be out of sight, out of mind... but it seems that it is.   

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Wednesday, April 3, 2013

I Can't Believe...

It's Wednesday again, so I'm linking up with Robin at The Sunshine Diary for
I Can't Believe Wednesday!
I Can't Believe - My beloved Yankees lost their home opener, and to Boston of all teams! Boo! Hiss!
 This is not a good way to start off the season folks. I'm hoping things turn around quick or my house is NOT going to be a fun place to hang around for the next 7 months!  
Our little Yankee girl on opening day :)
 (Custom Yankees bow by Sweet P's Bows)
I Can't Believe - That we only have 10 weeks left until the last day of classes here at work, and 11 weeks until my kiddos are done with school for the year. Another school year just about finished. How could that be??  It would be better if I was off for the summer, but the good news is, the possibility of a week off is on the horizon. I desperately want need a vacation!
I Can't Believe - My little man is making his First Holy Commumion in a month! We still have so much to do to prepare for this joyous occassion. Invites went out yesterday, but I haven't taken care of anything else.  So much planning and shopping still to be done - Outfits for the boys, decorations, favors, food, drinks, cake, thank you's... YIKES! I better quit it, I'm scaring myself!!!  
My main man trying on his communion suit <3
I Can't Believe - We were finally able to take a major step in our 3 year plan to become debt free this week. Woo Hoo! We have been waiting for an opportunity to make a big dent and really get started for awhile now, so it feels very good to know we are finally on that path.
It's also nice to know that something good was able to come out of Jay's ordeal last year - 
for more info on that, see 1 Year Ago Today.   
I Can't Believe - I have yet to really get going on my C25K training. I mean, does one day count?  
I did one day last Tuesday, and haven't done it again since :( 
 I have been doing lots of exercise, but I fizzled with the running, BIG TIME. I think it's because the temperature went back down into the 30's/40's here, and I just can't bring myself to attempt running in the cold. Runner friends, how do you get/stay motivated??? I need help!!!
Happy Wednesday friends!!!
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