Thursday, March 14, 2013

Thankful Thursday - For My Momma

So... I don't want to be a Debbie Downer here, but I've really been missing my mom a lot lately.
I don't know why, but the grief still comes and goes, even after all these years.
Some times I can go on with my daily life with only passing happy thoughts,
and some times I miss her so much it is physically debilitating.

For those of you who don't know, we lost my mom back in 1998, after a 7 month battle with pancreatic cancer. It was a difficult and chaotic time for my family, utterly devastating for my dad, sister & I; Losing my mother just 2 weeks after my 20th birthday has truly shaped the adult I have become. I'm not sure if it's for better or for worse, maybe a little of both. I guess that all depends on the day.

Anywho... since I have been missing her A TON lately, I would like to dedicate this week's Thankful Thursday to my beautiful mother. Here are few of the reasons I am thankful my mom was my mom :)

Her strength - Of course the obvious would be her strength in staring cancer in the face and fighting it head on, but it was so much more than that. She had strong character, strong morals and physical strength. She taught me how to take care of myself, and to always stand up for what I believe in, even if I may be going against the grain. It's cliche to say "when life gives you lemons, make lemonade", but it was always something like that with my mom. Life isn't always easy, but you have to keep moving forward. She had a tough life, but she kept on pushing until she made her way to a better place. She taught me how to find the strength to go on,
even when you feel like all the cards are stacked against you.

Her Acceptance - Don't get me wrong, my mom was one of the most opinionated people I have EVER known. If she didn't agree with you, she let you know; but that didn't mean she wouldn't accept what you were saying. She let me live my life, even though she didn't always agree with every decision I made.

Her Laughter - I think I'm a little too tense at times... a little too serious... but I also have a funny, goofy side - this I most definitely get from my mom. Some of my happiest childhood memories involve dancing around my living room with my mom - Singing "The Lion Sleeps Tonight" at the top of our lungs, or doing "Sweatin' to the Oldies" in our pj's. She could let loose and "get the sillies out" (as Yo Gabba Gabba would say) at the spur of the moment.
She taught me that spontaneous laughter is so good for the soul.

Last, but certainly not least...

Her Love - I was a difficult child. The kind of kid that followed up every statement with but why? I was constantly pushing the envelope and testing her patience, but I always felt the love. Mom and I butted heads big time during my high school years. I said some terrible, awful things to her that I wish to God I could take back now; but no matter how much we fought, I never doubted her love. Even though I thought she was trying to ruin my life back then, the love was always there. I knew by the way she smiled when she mentioned me to her friends, by the way she fought for me at school when she felt they were treating my unfairly, by the way she would wait up for me
EVERY TIME I went out with my friends...
I really would give anything to come home and find her sitting up in my bed just one more time.

So, when I am missing her so badly and feeling down... Instead of focusing on all of the things we missed out on, I have to remind myself of why I am thankful she was my mother.

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